Future Hope Not rewrite
by Cinereal
Summary: Rewrite of Future Hope Not, but in a more professional style. It's a ridiculous story about a paranoid leader who redecorates her camp and dresses up her prey.
1. Chapter 1

Starstar looked down at her clan. "For my first action as clan leader, I will announce one thing."

Her clan rolled their eyes at each other. Despite the fact that it had been seasons (sadly) since the once sane Starstar had become leader, Starstar almost always started her meetings off with, "For my first action as clan leader…"

They waited expectantly for Starstar to announce what it was she had to say.

"Today we are all invited to a karaoke with Starclan and the Place of no Stars in place of a gathering!"

Hawkfire, Starstar's deputy, sighed. "At least it was only moderately crazy," she whispered to Moonlight.

"If you need me to write your birthday party invitations or something less important, I shall be considering whether or not I should remake the theme of our camp. I'm seriously wondering whether I should continue for our camp to be themed finding Nemo, or change it to zen. If you have suggestions, tell me." Starstar regally pirouettes of the Riverrock, which has been painted and altered to look like a wave with fish in them.

Hawkfire wearily trudged to her bed and settled in on the marlin beanbag. She would try to get some rest before she and Moonlight had to supervise Starstar and their clan at the karaoke.

Guacamolekit of Lightingclan stared at her father, Hopeheart, the male queen pf Lightingclan.

"Are avocadoes better, or is guacamole?" she asked.

"Pineapples," her father replied while gravely painting his clawnails hot pink with neon aquamarine polka dots. "Dear, do you think that the hearts inside the polka dots should be magenta or camouflage?"

Firestar made a mouse plushie our of badger fur while complaining to Spottedleaf, "Sweetie, why is Sandstorm glaring at me every time I talk to you?

Hawkfire cautiously ventured inside Starstar's ocean themed den. Starstar was curled up on a giant seashell filled with moss that she had imported from Oceanclan.

"Hawky!, "She cried, "Do you think it would be reasonable to spend 80093 mouse tails on a gold and pink theme for our camp?"

"No." Hawkfire stepped over a bomb and shuddered at what Starstar had suggested.

"They come with hot pink tutus and gold bowties for prey though," Starstar thoughtfully tilted her head.

"No." Hawkfire wondered what prey would rather wear that than die.

Starstar sighed and after an awkward silence Starstar said, "Oh, this one is relatively cheap and it's pretty."

"What is it?" Hawkfire patiently asked.

"It's a lovely butterfly and dragonfly theme!" Startstar explained.

Hawkfire was speechless.

"Okay!" Starstar decided.

Hawkfire decided not to think about nightmarish themes and tell Starstar why she had come in the first place.

"Starstar, Butterflywing of Cloudclan wants to see you."

"This is a sign that I should choose butterflies and dragonflies for the camp!" Starstar remained elegant and poised as she arabesqued to the floor and called Butterflywing in.

"Dear Butterflywing, female warrior of Cloudclan, descendant of Shadowclan, what do you want?"

"Um," Butterflywing tossed her sleek beautiful ginger head, "I wanted to borrow some of your satin bows to tie around my neck for the karaoke.

"Anything dear Butterflywing, female warrior of Cloudclan, descendant of Shadowclan."

"Thank you!" Butterflywing joyously mewed as Starstar threw her a few ribbons.

"See?" Starstar triumphantly mewed. "I knew it was a good idea to keep the objects from our ribbon theme! Now we've made someone happy!"

In the Place of No Stars

Tigerstar carefully dosed the bottle of liquefied catmint with poison.

"Honorable father, what are you doing?" Hawkfrost asked.

"This will be presented to Firestar at the karaoke, and he will be poisoned to death!"

"How intelligent and wise knowing you are my charming parent!" Hawkfrost cried in delight, both not realizing Firestar was already dead.

Starstar pridefully lead her clan to the moonpool, where all the other clans were already gathered.

"Greetings," Moonstar mewed.

"Nihao wo de hao peng you!" Starstar happily cried and gave Moonstar a lick before pretending to be sane. "Good day."

They all laid their heads down and entered into Starclan property.

Crystalstar groaned as she saw Starstar approach. "Why me?" she moaned.

Tigerstar arrived with full gusto.

"Hello, my old nemesis Firestar!" he called, approaching in a dark robe that darkened the darkness around him.

"You want to be friends? Really?" Firestar, who had become much too trusting in his last days, hugged Tigerstar.

Hawkfrost asked Hawkfire, "Are you evil?"

"I have no time or energy to occupy myself…I have to leadersit Starstar."

Just then, Starstar curiously removed Tigerstar's catmint and switched it with the bottle Bramblestar was going to present to Hawkfrost.

To be Continued!

Honor me with reviews! I need them! Dewkit


	2. Chapter 2

As the five clans and one group of malicious dead felines gathered around, they presented their catnip and mouse mousse presents to each other while beginning the karaoke.

"Let the Friends Forever Fling begin!" Spottedleaf declared.

Tigerstar thought that since he was already dead, what harm could it be to taste some of his catnip? Thus, both cats unknowingly drank Bramblestar's present. However, this catnip contained borage and poppy seed, both of which Tigerstar was highly allergic to. The effect would kick in after exactly three hours.

Hawkfrost and Bramblestar sipped at their catnip. Bramblestar smirked, since Hawkfrost had Gorseclaw blood in him he would bein itching, sneezing, and painfully hurt in three hours. _Now I, the intelligent Bramblestar ate the antidote already!_

However, catnip is the equal of liquor in the clans, and the cats became, obviously, drunk. Firestar discovered that Tigerstar had always harbored a secret soft spot for mice with large extended families, and Tigerstar found out that Firestar made voodoo dolls in his spare time. The two became enamored of each other and found it in their hearts to sing together. They understood each other more and more swore each other to eternal friendship.

"Oh Tigerstar, I did not mean to misjudge you! Please, will you honor this lowly cat with your forgiveness?"

"Firestar! Do not kneel before an inferior! The honor would be mine."

They passionately sang about being friends forever while clasping paws.

"Yellowfang," Sandstorm pleaded to the medicine cat, "Never keep a supply of catmint again!"

Graystripe edged away from his "best friend" and whispered to Silverstream, "At times like this I'm ashamed to be his acquaintance."

Millie glared at the two.

Crystalstar tried unsuccessfully to explain to Starstar why catching prey by poisoning them wouldn't be a good idea, for Starstar remained stubborn in her point of view that cats would not be poisoned as well. Hawkfire valiantly caught every single grenade that Starstar threw out. Tulipkit happily ate deathberries, for now that the kit was in Starclan, she could enjoy the full flavor of yew without dying.

Three painful hours later, a dispirited Hawkfire managed to persuade Starstar to leave and go back to Snowclan. It was just then that Tigerstar began to itch and violently sneezing. As he lied "dying" for the tenth time, he told Firestar with sad, tragic tears in his amber eyes, "My friend, at least we have gotten to know each other."

Firestar gazed at Tigerstar's cruel, tortured face weeping. "Old friend, do not leave me! I have only just been reunited with you!"

" It is alright my son, for at least I will leave this world happy that I could enjoy this evening." With those brave word, Tigerstar's eyes fluttered shut and he "died."

Firestar let out a long, tragic yowl. He dipped his head low and mourned with great sadness.

"Let's go," Hawkfire gave a long sigh and dragged the sobbing Starstar behind her.

When the overworked deputy finally returned to her home, received a great shock.

"Starstar! What happened?"

"I thought it would be a good time to remodel or camp. Look!"

Hawkfire slumped as she saw the camp. Instead of fishies, it was now themed strange chrome butterfly and dragonfly. Flowery perfume wafter up into Hawkfire's nose.

"I'm going to have a nap," Hawkfire groaned.


End file.
